A LETTER TO MY LOVING HUSBAND - THE INTERNET JUNKIE!:

SUBJECT: Monthly Report
DATE: 03/13/00
FROM: wife@lonely.com
TO: hubby@home_alone.com

Dear Hubby,

Honey, we need to talk! "DON'T" click another URL until you've read this... please.

Since you're always busy, I'm using the computer at the library to send you this email. It's been months since you've spent anytime with the family. Actually, we are all getting a little worried about you. Your legs won't straighten out and your eyes are blood red now. I really think you should stop sleeping in that chair even though we did have it made into a recliner with a keyboard tray and extra padding.

Remember when I wanted your attention and put too much Viagra in your coffee.......well.... surprise.... we're having twins. Have you recovered from that exhausting few days yet? I haven't .....and will "NEVER" do that again no matter how lonely I get!

Oh yes.....the doctor said the catheter has to come out hun. You can't leave it in there any longer. You'll have to stop and go to the bathroom or start using your urinal again. Sorry! And.......the leak wasn't the waterbed.....we don't have a waterbed!

The kids are all fine. I loaded their school pictures on your web site so you can see how much they have grown. Click on the button that says "Surprise, we've grown up". Jack said he'd trim your beard for you next week. Susie felt so bad when she upset your lunch on the keyboard. Bless her heart, she's like your mother....she's a few fries short of a complete Happy Meal but she tries. I hope everything is working okay now.

Oh yes, you don't need to worry about the mouse I wanted you to kill. I got him with one of your golf clubs. The club is a little bent now.....hope that doesn't hurt it. It's kind of like a kinked slinky.

I'll write again once the twins are born. Ed, our insurance salesman, is taking me and the kids on a trip so take care. We'll be back in a couple of weeks. Remember not to put both contact lenses in the same eye!

Love,
Your Wife