EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION FOR THE UNITED STATES INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE
When you watch Robin Hood, do you cheer for the Sheriff of Nottingham?
When the local Red Cross needs blood, do they hand you a bottle and
a turnip? If so, you may be just the kind of person we're looking for down
at the Internal Revenue Service.
If you've got what it takes to take what they've got, just fill out this handy
application form.
RELEVANT EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
1. In the blanks provided, please indicate your years of experience, if any,
in the following fields.
Private Investigation ____
Law Enforcement ____
Accounting ____
Public Administration ____
Other Administrative ____
Grave Robbing ____
Garbage Picking ____
Rumor Mongering ____
Other Journalism ____
Looting ____
Pillaging ____
Sacking ____
Burning ____
Other Financial ____
Lying ____
Cheating ____
Stealing ____
Other Legal ____
2. Why do you wish to work for the IRS? (Please check all that apply.)
Desire to perform public service. ____
Salary / benefits. ____
Self-loathing. ____
Local Mafia family has hiring freeze. ____
Opportunities for promotion. ____
Opportunities for revenge (personal). ____
Opportunities for revenge (professional). ____
Opportunities to indulge sadistic tendencies ____
Opportunities for bribery / corruption. ____
Opportunities to covertly promote political agenda. ____
Prestige / status. ____
MENTAL HEALTH
3. Yes or No: Have you ever been committed to a mental health institution
for, or received treatment for, kleptomania, paranoia, megalomania, delusions
of grandeur, or sociopathy? ____
4. [Answer only if you marked Question 3 "No."] Please explain:
______________________________________________________.
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Please indicate the most correct answer to each of the following questions.
5. True or False: Charles Dickens' classic fable A Christmas Carol is a
tragedy. ____
6. True or False: It is acceptable for a sitting president to use the IRS as
a tool to harass his political enemies. ___
7. [Answer only if you marked Question 6 "False."] Are you a congressional
investigator? ____
8. [Answer only if you marked Question 7 "False."] Are you sure you're not a
congressional investigator? ____
9. [Answer only if you marked Question 8 "False."] Honestly? ____
10. American tax rates are:
a. Too low.
b. Much too low.
c. Absurdly low.
11. "Taxable income" is ____.
a. That portion of a taxpayer's gross earnings from which income tax is
collected.
b. Item a. above, plus unearned income.
c. Redundant.
12. Which of the following is sufficient justification for auditing a
taxpayer? ____
a. Incomplete or inconsistent information on a tax return.
b. Consumption in excess of apparent income.
c. The sun rose in the east.
13. TAXPAYER is to IRS as _______ is to ______.
a. SERF; LORD.
b. HOST; PARASITE.
c. SMALL RODENT; HUNGRY RATTLESNAKE.
d. DEER; ONCOMING PICKUP TRUCK.
14. True or False: Wiseacre humor columnists who write jokes about the IRS
are likely to get audited. ___
15. [Answer only if you marked Question 14 "True."] Know a good tax attorney?
___
